Just don't know

React or respond,
it's a matter of choice
Whether keep you or destroy
I can no longer decide

I have grown stronger
Only to fear
Losing my feelings
To all what I dear

Walking on a string
Motivated by pain and applause
I can control myself
But I want to fall

It's just so hard to understand
In open field with all possibilities
If I am attracted to the accolades
Or pain of the few chosen realities

I think I am something
Not defined by you
I have my feelings
A distinction of the view

But even now and then
You are in front of me
For my ground choices
My reaction for you and thei

May be it's just not me
Not horoscope or sign define me
It's just my apprehension of the world
With you in front of me.

I wish I know what it is
What's so special in you
What washes away my pride
My sanity I don't know
Will I ever find love
Or just wait for your pity soul